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Survival of the Drunkest

Every week I treat myself to a couple of my favourite trashy, celebrity gossip magazines.  It is pure escapism and I don't mind a cheeky little crossword either.  I am starting to get a little fed up of the "journalism' that goes in to them though but hey ho maybe I am just getting to an age where I smell bullshit?  Who knows!

A re occurring article is so and so's guide to surviving lockdown so I thought I would jump on the bandwagon.  

Here is Nipa Threads guide to surviving lockdown.

Expectation vs reality.  Take all your expectations and cut them in half! No one needs that kind of negativity at this point in time!  The expectation to get your whole house repainted.  The expectation of homeschool with the birds coming into sing to you whilst you lovingly teach your kids in a calm and controlled manner.  The expectation that you will not be sinking a bottle of wine every few days!  Be kind to yourself if your expectations are not met.  Do not compare what you are doing, or not doing, with other people.  We are all individuals and we will all be dealing with this in different ways.  This is a shower of shit situation.  We need to remember that when we are looking at a post on Becky's insta of another perfect baked good - fuck off Becky!   

Get dressed.  This is a big one for me!  Get up, get showered, get dressed.   Just this monotonous act can make us feel so different.  Of course have the days wafting around the house in your pjs but for the most part get clean and get ready for your day.  This has helped me dramatically over the weeks.  I started lockdown in my trackie bottoms and dressing gown and I just started to feel lower and lower.  I felt like I had no plan so what was the point in the day?  I may still not be going anywhere but I FEEL so much more motivated when I have a clean pair of pants on.  Also by putting on actual clothes you can keep track of the ever growing gunt!  

Have a plan.. If that plan is to Netflix and chill, awesome.  If that plan is to clean out the shed, good on you.  If your plan is like mine and to not throw the blackboard chalk at one of my students then welcome back to the 90s!  Come on we all had that teacher who would loose their fucking shit and launch the chalk or even worse the rubber thingy, at you from across the classroom!  And of course the students I am talking about are my kids.  Whatever situation you find yourself in make a plan.  Having purpose to your day gives you the get and and go to get out of bed and start your day.  I literally write everything in my planner from waking up to making dinner.  When I get to tick something off I feel satisfied and like I have actually achieved something other than being snack bitch.

Acknowledge your feelings rather than burying them.  This is really important and something that I had to learn the hard way.  Those feelings and emotions are inside all of us and they are there for a reason.  When you ignore how you are feeling that feeling does not magically disappear!  It bubbles away inside of you until they are acknowledged whether that is in a week, a year, a decade.  Since loosing my dad at 18 I had a horrible habit of not dealing with my emotions.  I didn't want to feel anymore because that pain I felt when he died was indescribable.  Rather than deal with it, I shut all emotion out all feelings out and was basically empty inside.  You know what happened?  I turned from a positive fun loving person to a dark and negative miserable cunt.  I am not going to go into it too much as it is something that I would eventually like to share with you all but I just don't think I'm ready to write it.  If you are having a shitty day ACKNOWLEDGE YOU ARE HAVING A SHITTY DAY.  No one is going to judge you for it and if they do they can fuck right off, you do not need people like that in your life.  Try and figure out if there is a reason for feeling the way you do and if there is, is it something you can fix.  On the flip side there doesn't always need to be a reason, some days are just crap.  Just know that however you are feeling is ok.  Acknowledge it, embrace it, it is you.

Stop and smell the fermented grapes.  We are in the midst of a global pandemic and that shit is scary as hell.  If you are amongst the lucky ones who are not key workers or have not lost a loved one then be grateful and practise gratitude every day.  All we are being asked to do is stay in our homes.  Thats it!.  Not go to war, not leave our families or be evacuated.  Not be sent to a concentration camp or watch atrocities happen before our eyes.  No.  Just stay home, social distance and don't be a fucking Facebook politician keyboard warrior!  Unfortunately these simple instructions are just too much for some folk.  We have been seeing mass bike rides, picnics, visits to the beach and general frivolity going down despite being in lockdown.  So to all of you that have played by the rules, thank you for helping to make our country that bit safer.  To those of you flouting the rules, you are a complete fucktard.  

Stop following anyone on social media who does not put a smile of your face.  Ohhhhhhh I have had a lovely little cull whilst this has all been unfolding.  I have made my social media pages fresh, positive, funny and spiritual oh and I cannot forget sweaty ha.  I have unfollowed anyone whose constant negativity was jamming my vibe.  It is hard enough keeping yourself above the line without having some dumb cunt bring you down with, usually false, negative information!  I like a positive quote, spiritual affirmations, someone who is going to make me laugh or is just pretty to look at.  I like to listen to other people swear (not in an aggressive way) and reading heartwarming stories.  I want to see the best this world has to offer and there is PLENTY out there.  We are beautiful and kind hearted and willing to help others.  We want to protect animals and the vulnerable and make the world a better place.  Now that's the sort of heartwarming shit I want to be focusing my attention on.  Not Darren from the Nags Head chatting breeze about how he could run the country better and what a bellend Boris Johnson is.  Now I am no Boris superfan, I personally believe all the parties are full of entitlement and bullshit BUT this is no ordinary predicament we find ourselves in.  I for one am thankful that I do not have to make any of these decisions.  No matter what you choose to do, you will get cunted off in a BIG way because you will never please anyone sooooooooooo!!!!!!  Thanks to the power of social media we will all be privy to Darren, from the Nags Head, thoughts on the matter, and what he would have done.  So if they don't make you smile, fuck em off.

Facewine the shit out of life.  We may not be able to meet up at the boozer but we can have a jolly good time on FaceTime or Zoom or whichever one floats your boat the most.  Make plans, put your lipstick on get your bad girl hoops in and socialise like a boss with family and friends I know it can be hard to keep motivated for it.  I have arranged a couple of calls and by the evening have thought I can't be arsed, but the only one missing out is me.  Come on all you need to do is sit on your sofa!  I had a party night with the girls on Saturday and it was fucking epic.  I woke up feeling like complete shite, but also my actual soul had been lifted.  We laughed, we danced, we drank and we reminded each other that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  Plus no overpriced taxi home and you can puke in the comfort of your own toilet. Win win I say. 

Finally and most importantly just be kind, to yourself and to others.  We are in un chartered waters right now so please please be kind to yourself.  Are we going to loose our shit?  Yes we absolutely are.  Are we going to have days when we want to stay under the covers?  Of course.  Will there be times when we just want to walk out the door and not have to listen to anybody?  Hell yes.  That is all OK.  These are perfectly normal reactions as far as I am concerned it is A OK.   Please do always reach out though as it really is good to talk.  Be kind to others too.  Talk to the cashier serving you, say thank you to the key workers you come across.  When I go to the post office I always thank them for being open, same at the Co op.  If it makes them smile or feel good then that is awesome and all I had to do was show my appreciation.  Respect peoples boundaries and if someone asks you to move back or stop getting closer than respect them don't get the hump because you think they are being rude.  People are scared and that is not a nice feeling.  Don't make it worse by being a twat.

Together we can and will get through this.  Stay home if you can, stay safe and stay awesome.

Lots of love P&N

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