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Homeschool Dropout!

Lockdown.  Quarantine.  Prison.  I am a parent get me the fuck out of here!

There are many different ways of looking at and describing our current predicament and they will be different to us all depending on our circumstances.

At first I thought, wow imagine what it would be like having no children, how amazing would that be?  I could read all the books that have been gathering dust on my bookshelf.  I could learn something, a language or a new skill.  I could sleep in late and make whatever food I wanted with as much spice as my heart desires.  I could actually have a piss in peace and enjoy my bath without Iggle piggle being thrown overboard and my vagina being stared at because it doesn't hang low. 

Wow the opportunities could have been endless. 

That however, is very far from the reality that I am actually living and you know despite how fucking hard it is I do not think I would change it for the world.  I know what I am like and all the aforementioned things that I could have been doing to better myself, probably would have lasted a week before I got bored and gave up to Netflix, chill and eat ALL the food.

My boys keep me grounded.  They keep me happy.  They make me smile.  They fill my heart with so much love and pride for how well they are coping, that it makes me a better person, wife and mother.  They give me a sense of purpose and a reason to get my arse out of bed in he morning.  They provide me with structure and routine which I have learnt is incredibly important to me and my mental health.  

BUT they also drive me absolutely bat shit fucking crazy!!  See what I did there?  Start off with the positives then BAM explain what it is really like to quarantine with kids.

Just to warn you this is going to get sweary!

Soooooooooooooo lets kick this off with homeschooling shall we?  It is not actually homeschooling though is it?  I did not choose to take the boys out of school to share my limited knowledge, from my dyslexic brain with them.  No I fucking did not!  I have no desire to send my self doolally thanks all the same.  So lets just back it up here.  We are not homeschooling.  We are trying our best to impart some sort of learning onto our defiant little fuckers without throwing them out of the window that they enjoy gazing out of so bastard much! I am not a teacher and there is a very good reason for that - I have no fucking patience for it.  I am not a particularly creative person either so trying to think of different, fun ways to engage Samuel is like losing a battle I haven't even been arsed to start!  And if I am really honest some of the stuff we are being sent, I do not even understand!  I am going to own the shit out of it and say some of it has made me feel like a right thick cunt and Samuel is only in year 2!!!!!!!  I am going to blame it on all the noughties partying so at least I had fun whilst killing off all my brain cells!

How many of you have realised that all your child's or children's annoying qualities are actually the things they have got from you?  Please do not say it is just me as that would be proper shite!  Samuel is a daydreamer.  He loves to learn but is HAS to be something he is really interested and engaged in otherwise he just glazes over like he is thinking about punching me in the face.  It is so hard to keep the momentum up and keep encouraging him when in reality I cannot be fucked to do it either because it is hard work and he does not listen to me like I am a teacher, he listens to me like I am his mummy so in reality he doesn't listen to me one bit!

Poor Toby too.  He is only in nursery therefore I haven't been doing as much with him.  I am expecting him to go back to crawling in a few weeks!  He is so strong willed too.  If he doesn't want to do something you can get to fuck if you think you are going to change his mind.  I just let him crack on to be honest.  His imagination and role play are fantastic so he is happy most of the time, but when he isn't he will make sure you know about it.

I have never been asked for so much food in my life.  'Can I have' now goes through me like nails down a chalkboard.  How can they possibly be hungry when they had 4 Weetabix an hour ago for fucks sake.  I have seen loads of great ideas where people have made tuck shops or a snack box where once its gone its gone.  I however just say No!  I am not saying I don't feed them, obviously, I am not a complete cunt, but come the fuck on Bridget we have NEVER spent so much money on food before.  The fact that I am not away at the moment and the boys are not spending any time with their grandparents mean that we are feeding them all the time and it is costing a fortune.  It still really fucks me off that you can get a packet of biscuits for 29p yet a bag of apples is over a quid.  And you wander why we have an ever growing obesity problem, but that is a whole other story.  So they get a treat with lunch and then maybe after dinner but I am dam well not spending my whole day pandering to their every whine.  If I did that I would actually loose my mind.

So homeschooling is doing as well as a chocolate teapot.  The boys are going to 'can I have a snack' me to an early grave and to top it all off they miss their friends, teachers and grandparents and all the things that they once took for granted.  Going to the park, getting spoilt by our parents, meeting up with friends, soft play, Mc Donalds and of course going to school!

We have always been blessed to live a full, fun and energetic life.  Our weekends and school holidays are always packed with fun stuff to do with amazing people that we all love and enjoy spending time with.  The boys get on well with our friends kids and it is so heart warming seeing them all together like little buddies living their best lives.  So it has come as a rather large shock that all of a sudden it is just the 4 of us.  I miss my friends and the grandparents immensely.  I haven't gone this long without seeing my best friends since I went travelling in 2004!!!  I know how hard it is for me and I am an adult so I really feel for my babies that just want to see their mates or have a cuddle with Nana, because I am desperate to do that too.  I have to say they are handling it beautifully and they are making me so proud.  They have their moments when they are annoying the shit out of each other but on the whole they are handling this like little legends and I can learn a lot from their sheer resilience.

This is an incredibly challenging time for the whole world.  I am so thankful to live in a country where we have a National Health Service and I have no idea how we will repay them for the work they are doing.  I mean a huge pay rise would be a start!

I am going to be kind to myself and not put too much pressure on to do the best homeschooling or be the arts and crafts mum that I am clearly not.  I am going to allow the boys more free time and to watch every dam thing on Disney+ as long as I get to choose a film every once in a while,

I am going to concentrate on the things that I can control and the things that I am good at, play to my strengths. I am going to embrace this moment in history to spend quality, stress free time with my family because all we really need to do to make a difference is stay the fuck inside!

So much love for you all x


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