Isolation has given me the opportunity to do a bit of reflecting. It has given me the chance to have a little butchers around my little world and the life I am living. Who and what are important and of course the things that fuck me right off.
The first thing I realised is just how lucky I am and how much I have to be grateful for. I have all these things in my life that give me warm fuzzy feelings in all the right places.
I have a beautiful home which makes me feel secure and cosy. There are quite a few DIY jobs that need finishing but is that not just part and parcel of being an adult and owing your own home. Is it ever really finished? Or a constant work in progress? Personally I would prefer it to be finished but part of me thinks Simon loves his time spent hammering shit! We were getting quite a lot done but then the lockdown came into full force and everything came to a halt once again!
We have a lovely garden where the boys can play, Simon can saw stuff and I can sunbathe! At the moment it looks a bit like the rag and bone mans yard thanks to all the shit we seem to accumulate, but Simon cleared loads of the crap into the outhouse meaning it is slightly more zen than it used to be. I have lots of plant pots so I can attempt to emulate my dads gardening skills. The only problem is I forget to water them or prune them so its a miracle when things blossom and when they do I have a real sense of achievement, even though really I have done fuck all. Thank you Mother Nature. The fact that we have outdoor space has been an absolute lifesaver. I really feel for those in flats, it must be so difficult not getting out and about or being able to yell 'just go outside and give me 5 minutes peace' and as they skulk past you, mumbling 'little shitbags'.
I am blessed to have a beautiful family and pukka friends. The lockdown has, in a way brought us closer together. I have had zoom parties with groups of girlfriends and we have all said why have we not done this before? Getting dates in the diary to meet up these days is harder than getting some peace and fucking quiet in my house! But we can get a facewine going and have a great night in the comfort of our own home, get as shitfaced as we want without cunting anyone off for pushing in front of us at the bar then stumble to bed not having to worry about puking in a cab, winner. I am at that stage in my life where I enjoy going out but why does the music have to be so bastard loud? I want to be able to sit down and have a chat. My feet are so used to trainers that they are nice a wide these days a bit like a duck. So squeezing them into my shoes is no easy feat. Keeping them on all night would be a fucking miracle! I also hate queueing for the toilet, like ladies how long does it take to have a tinkle! Get in, wipe, get out! Do your lipstick at the mirror because that it what it is fucking there for and that is where you are going to meet your new best mates! Saying all this I really can't wait to get dressed up and go OUT OUT and try to make it past midnight ha!
Family and friends have been a lifesaver during this pandemic. FaceTime is incredible for keeping connected not just for me but for the boys too. I have to share something with you that really niggles me. When I see those posts about its not the quantity of your circle but the quality or in summary if she has loads of friend's she must be a deceitful backstabber, it really gets my fucking goat! Not everyone who has a lot of friends is a sly cunt FYI. I am lucky to have lots of different groups of girlfriends. My St A girls, my uni girls, my NCT girls, my school mum girls, the WAGs and my mum friends. Many of these friendships were formed 20+ years ago. They have had their ups and downs, of course, but like any relationship it needs nurturing. If you have a small circle than that is cool but I am sick of groups of women being categorised in this boring way. It is sooooooooooo boring and just another way to pit women against women. that is my opinion and that is my rant over!!!
Whilst the majority of the country have followed the rules and locked down, you will always get the eejits that don't think the rules apply to them and they are the top of my shit list if I'm honest! Not just during this whole pandemic but the people that just do not think rules apply to them in general. They can fucking do one. I really can't stand inconsiderate people, they get the rage bubbling in my tummy. So I went to Tesco to do my food shop and as I am stood there, a couple (I thought only 1 person was allowed to shop but hey ho) just keep getting closer and closer to me as we are queueing. Like queueing round the store just to start shopping is a totally normal practise. In the end I turn to them and tell them they are too close to me and they need to stop edging closer each time we move. I mean the gormless expression on their faces just made me want to punch them! Are you not aware of the deadly virus going round? I do not understand the complacency of some people. You might be fine with catching it but I am not so back the fuck off.
I feel like people are forgetting what is going on around them. I get it to a certain degree as I have also lived in a bit of a bubble albeit, a locked down bubble with a 2 meter radius! It is hard to really comprehend what is happening when you are not directly subjected to it. I have coped by not really watching the news and trying to think of this as the summer holidays without all the fun. It has kept me in a certain mindset. I have had moments where I have really reflected on the seriousness of what is happening and it has absolutely broken me. I can't be broken because I have 2 young sons that need me to keep my shit together. Whilst it is healthy to have my moments, on the whole I need to remain a positive beacon for them. Just because it has not affected me directly doesn't mean it is not still happening. I will continue to take all the necessary precautions to ensure that I keep myself, my family and the NHS safe. Stop being so fucking selfish you morons.
Phew I feel like we need a bit of something positive after that! I feel beyond blessed that we have a National Health Service and I am so so proud of them that it makes my heart swell. I cannot even begin to imagine what they are dealing with. What they are seeing. The trauma, emotional and physical, that they are going through. But they are doing it with their heads held high and a determination to see this virus off. They are working their arses off for US - you, me and everyone in between. The NHS has been overworked and underpaid for god knows how long and I pray that this is the turning point for the government to start investing in them. And as a country we need to make dam sure that that happens. These are selfless people. They are our front line soldiers. They are not seeing their families so they can help to save ours. God just writing this is making me teary with pride. They are forever in our debt and I just do not know how to thank them enough. Let's start by DEMANDING they get the pay and the recognition they deserve.
Whether you are blue, red, yellow or rainbow I would not like to be the one making decisions at this precise moment. I am not getting into politics as I think there is too much of it out there as it is and it makes my eyes roll to the back of my head. Political conversations bring out the fucking worst in people. Whatever decision is going to be made, it will always, always come with a backlash because you cannot please everyone, it is impossible. But why do we have to debate about it alllllllll the time. My local mum group on Facebook is OUT OF CONTROL!! I think the art of restraint is a lost practise! I see shit that I do not agree with all the time. You know what I do? I chuckle to myself and scroll on by because I am not going to waste my energy or loose my positive vibe to argue with a stranger on Facebook. Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion but it doesn't always need to be shared does it? So the positive is that I am definitely looking at Facebook less.
I have noticed that I am way too addicted to my phone and I hate it! Samuel had a FaceTime with his friends the other day to play Roblox. So he is playing on his iPad and using my phone to FaceTime. I felt lost! I kept going for my phone! In that hour and a half Samuel was using it I managed to finally make photo frames of the boys artwork. I had had the frames for six weeks!! I was happy with what I had achieved but it had taken not having my phone to do it. That shit needs to change.
One thing that I hope comes out of this diobolically shite situation is that we put our devises down and look up. Look up at all the things we have missed so much during lockdown. Look up into the faces we adore. Look up to the trees and the nature around us that has helped to keep us sane and grounded. Look up to ALL those front line staff and key workers who have kept our fantastic country going and be kind, grateful and maybe even have a little chat whilst bagging your shopping.
I am going to make more of an effort to be present and enjoy the world and the people in it because we are so lucky to be here.
Peace out, stay safe and stay home x