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Notifications on. Popcorn ready. The wonderful world of Facebook.

Last blog it was old WhatsApp that got me going and today its Facebook.

I want to start of by saying how very fucking grateful I am the there was no social media about when I was growing up!! That is not to say it isn't a shame that I don't have untold photos of us in our jogging bottoms and crop tops however I am glad that my every move has not been documented on the internet for everyone to see and subsequently judge!

I do have have some photos of us a youts, and that is exactly what we were, mouthy gobby little youts!!! But they are few and far between so the ones I do have  I cherish deeply. The Adidas joggers with the buttons down the sides! The Nike Air Max and the Nike crop tops which I never actually wore because I had huge boobs that I was sooooooo self conscious of, shame they didn't stay after kids. The Kappa and Elessie. The teenage uniform of the 90s which actually seems to have come full circle which only adds to the sense of being old! Oh the days getting cunted in a park if you were lucky enough to get someone to buy you alcohol or one of you managed to raid your parents booze cabinet. No one taking photos or snapchats or posing like a bunch of ducks arses. Just pure teenage carnage with the memories in my mind that play like an old flickering film.

And now there is Facebook where every little thing is documented. To be fair I think that the youngsters are turning their attention to instagram but that can be the subject of another blog!  

I am talking about Facebook today because I feel like it teaches us a lot about how society has evolved, the good the bad and the stupid cunts.

For example despite having how ever many different search engines douchbags would rather ask on Facebook than go and search themselves.  

"Does anyone know what time xxx opens?" fucking google it you twat!

"Does anyone know of anywhere that sells xyz" probably not that hard to find out for yourself ya belled!

"What time should I leave xxx to get to xxx for 10.30?" put it into your maps app you giant cock gobbler!!!!

Oh my fucking christ almighty how many times have you just wanted to reply with 2 simple yet effective words - GOOGLE IT!!! But you don't because you know you will upset poor old Sally and she will get all offended and go tell all her mates and now you are in a virtual fight with a bunch of people who you couldn't give 2 shits about.  It is not worth the aggro despite how tempting it is. I am going to keep my account open for years and when I'm an old lady, maybe in a nursing home, I will use the time I have left wisely and I will wait for Sally to ask her dumb questions and THEN I will tell her to stop being a lazy twat and google it her damn self.

Now lets talk mum groups dun dun duuuuuuunnnnnnnnn!! The space on the internet that can go from placid to aggro in 0.000000001 seconds. Fuck me I have travelled to some scary places in the world but nothing is scarier that a mum group with a taste for a bitch fest on some poor unsuspecting fucker who has said something someone doesn't agree with. What is so very ironic is we go on about teaching our kids to be kind and accepting, don't judge, use kind words and in the next breath we are tearing someone down because they dare have a view that doesn't fit in our own box!!! How many times have you turned on the notifications to a post just to watch it all unravel? It gets so intense and the way people talk to each other is worse than any UFC fighter cunting off their opponent!! But we are civilised women? You keep telling yourself that ladies because actions speak louder than words, right?

I am part of quite a few mums business groups and one in particular I absolutely love because the women are so un judgemental and supportive. I have no clue what's gone on in there but it has really soured recently. So a lady puts up a meme that she really resonated with. Well I bet she was not prepared for the onslaught of abuse that she received in the comments. The worst thing was the tone of the meme was the same tone as the founder of the group whose, to put in simple terms, arse these same women have their heads up! The comments were all "I find this so condescending" or "I think this is so judgemental" all I I I I I I I I I I. I am sick of having to justify my opinion because other people don't agree with it, like GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF!!! Can we just stop the fucking judgement please. If we all thought the same how boring would life be? Scroll past and enjoy your day, if its not for you cool, but if its for someone else who the fuck are you to tell them they are wrong? I did actually call them out on that particular post because it was bullying at its worst and I can't fucking stand bullies. Funny how none of them justified their actions because guess what they knew their actions were shady as fuck.

It's not just mum groups it is EVERYTHING. All of a sudden the whole bastard world is connected to each other and everyone has an opinion that they believe is right and there is no damn way they will deviate. Now I am all for a healthy debate but my god, people don't debate they just try shouting louder than the next person or resort to insults when people do not come around to their way of thinking. I have my opinions about things but I am always open to learning something new or having a different point of view put to me. Sometimes I say oh yeah that's a good point actually and other times I say no I'm afraid I don't really agree with that BUT it is how you talk to people and how you say it. We are no longer barbarians people so stop behaving like it from the safety of your keyboard because no one can physically punch you in your damn face for being such a wanker. Also if you see something that you don't agree with you can scroll on by. No need to comment, no need to get into a row with someone you are never going to meet who lives on another continent. Like why waste your time and energy? Part of me thinks I would love to have that kind of time on my hands but you know if I did I would put it to much better use than arguing with strangers on the internet like plucking my bikini line, that seems like a much better use of my time.

Now lets get to those ambiguous attention seeking posts shall we. The ones that make us roll our eyes so far to the back of our heads that we can actually see our own arses! Cheryl has checked into hospital............blank...............! Cue the tirade of questions asking about poor old Cheryls well being - "you alright babe" "what's up darling" "call me". Guys if Cheryl was THAT FUCKING POORLY would she be able to check herself into Facebook? I don't think so no. Note to Cheryl DON'T BE AN ATTENTION SEEKING CUNT! Also in this category are -

Just a tear emoji - prick.

I just can't believe it accompanied by a sad face emoji - believe what? What a total fucktard you are?

WHY................ - am I such a wanker.

I mean the sad thing is I could actually go on all night but I don't want to take up any more blog! If you are feeling shitty or having a bad day there is nothing wrong with that but stop with the ambiguous posts that just make you look like an attention seeker. Pick up the phone and call a friend, you obviously have some because they are crawling up your arse on your Facebook post.

One of my favourite wanky posts is the "to the man in the black BMW driving down so and so road and didn't stop at the zebra crossing in time I hope you realise how dangerous your driving is blah blah blah". Whilst I totes agree babe I really don't think you posting it on to your Facebook is going to make much of a difference to him or his driving. Cue more internal eye rolls, yes it is shit that that happened to you and I am kinda glad you didn't get run over but enough with the attention seeking.

The last thing I will moan about, because Facebook has got its plus points too, is people asking the same question 15,692 times rather than searching whether it has already been asked! Again this is mainly in groups but it is one of the most painful things. If I see another fucking question about where is the closest beach to us I am going to internally fucking combust. This very question must get asked 3 times a day! USE THE SERACH FUNCTION NUMPTY!!!!!!!!!! There is no way that you have not seen the same amount of posts on the subject that I have. Also remember that little old thing called Google? Yeah use that you penis. And worse of all people still answer it!!!! Like I am done, done done!!

So there it is, Facebook at its, not so finest.


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