Oh hey gang how are we all?
I has been a while since I wrote my last blog. Considering I am meant to publish one at least every other Friday I feel I may be loosing the battle!
Im not going to lie, I struggle. I find it so hard to keep my motivation up and to be consistent. I have all the best intentions but somewhere along the line I just decide that I can't be fucked! How do people keep motivated??? Answers on a post card please.
I don't like to think of myself as being lazy. I have always worked hard. I had 3 jobs in my late teens. I would work in the restaurant on a Saturday afternoon then have half an hour to walk across town to my other job where I would serve fish and chips until 10.30. After work, despite stinking like a deep fat fryer we would go out and roll in in the early hours of the morning. Sunday I would up and at the children's soft play for 10am feeling fit as a fiddle. To be fair I often hid in the ball pit with a can of full fat coke but the kids loved having ball fights with me so I feel I was actually doing a darn good job! University was the same, 2 jobs on the go and a knack for working hard but playing even harder all whilst studying. Oh to be young and full of beans again! Then when I started my flying career I also continued to work at the tea rooms on one of my days off in between trips. I mean the thought of all that brings me out with a sweaty top lip! I do work hard but my early jobs were jobs where I didn't have to use my brain all that much. When I have to stir up the old grey matter, that's when it goes Pete Tong and I get all overwhelmed and loose confidence and faith in myself.
I find that my enthusiasm wanes. I start off with fire in my belly which is excellent. My vibrations are high, I am in the zone and I am raring to go. Then day by day it seems to ooze out of me somewhere! Rather than stoking the fire and getting myself back to motivation mode and getting some serious shit done I go the other way and just become less and less bothered. I justify my lack of motivation so I don't feel too bad but the guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach grumbles away reminding me that I could be doing something better with my time than scrolling through bullshit on Instagram.
There are so many distractions these days. I know this is a piss poor excuse but hey ho I am using it. Whattsapp messages, Facebook notifications, emails. Bing bangs and bongs all over the show. Yes I could leave my phone in another room but I don't! I have tried this on occasion but it just doesn't work. I mean fuck I could stare out the window for a good half an hour without even blinking so blaming my procrastination on my phone is just another excuse.
I am that daydreamer with the attention span of a knat! I am a true procrastinator. That person who would leave the coursework until the last minute then cram cram cram to get it all done and handed in. Leave the revision until the last minute because the thought of the mammoth task ahead was just too daunting. It is a vicious cycle that I cannot seem to get myself out of despite being old enough to know better.
I think I am starting to see the wood through the trees. Now I realise that I have this problem and it is starting to make me loose serious respect for myself, I have been thinking of ways to get the fuck over it. I lack discipline. I have never been good at taking orders from others and now it seems that I don't want to take orders from myself either. As soon as I tell myself I am not going to do something - usually related to alcohol or chocolate - I end up doing it but even more so than normal. Because I have told myself no I will then binge on it. Lots of my friends only drink at the weekends which is so disciplined eespecially with what's going on around us. I will say to myself right I am not drinking until Friday then Monday night polish off a bottle of wine.
I make myself fell like shit by not standing by what I say. No one can fix my problem but me and I need to shift my focus from what I am NOT going to do to what AM I going to do.
Like I mentioned above I have the guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach. The only way to get rid of the feeling is not to mask it by drinking more alcohol or eating another huge bar of chocolate or by using my favourite phrase - fuck it. The only way to stop the guilt is to actually DO WHAT I AM TELLING MYSELF TO DO AND STOP BEING A WEAK ARSEHOLE!!!
Easier said then done but my God I am ready to work my arse off to achieve it. I am bored of the same repetitive pattern. The same feeling of guilt. Having the same conversation with myself about how to be better but completely ignoring it because I am going to do exactly what I WANT to do which is not necessarily the RIGHT thing to do.
Since I have got really pissed off with myself for my lack of discipline I have been looking at how I am viewing the things that I need to be doing. I have been doing it all wrong! I have started with a negative mindset which is sabotaging my efforts from the offset. What I should be doing is looking at how lucky I am to be replying to 15 messages on Facebook not seeing it as a chore. To feel blessed that people actually read my blogs and like why I have to say - lets face it once you have children having someone actually listen to you is like winning the fucking lottery. I should view my time to write as an escape, an outlet a way to really let go of all the stuff going on in my head, and trust me my brain is like a washing machine with thoughts and ideas constantly going round and round. To be so grateful that I get to wake up each morning, happy and healthy in my beautiful home. That I am living my dream of being a businesswoman and how proud I am on Nina and I for launching a successful business with a great following and having made lots of beautiful friends along the way.
Everything I do to do with my business should fill me with excitement. That is how I felt at the beginning so what has changed? Having the boys at home has certainly added to my procrastination. By the time I have sorted them out and made sure they have done some work the last thing I want to do is sit down to do my own! However this has been an issue way before Corona virus reared its ugly head.
The journey starts now. I will share with you how I get on by actually turning up and writing my blogs - hopefully.
I am going to utilise the brilliant planner that I have and take the time on a Sunday evening to write down my goals for the week. I will plan, plan and plan some more. I will hold myself accountable and use that glass of wine or bar of chocolate (who am I kidding we all know I'm talking about a share bag of m&m peanuts!) as a reward for GETTING SHIT DONE.
BOOM I feel ready and I feel motivated. I have put it out there now so will look like a bit of a chump if I continue to be a lazy twat.
Wish me luck!!!