Alright treacles how are we all doing? I Hope the answer is well.
So this year started off with a bit of a bang for me, I tested positive for covid!!! I was definitely one of the lucky ones who was able to recover at home. For the first time in my adult life I got to sit in bed for 10 whole days. I had my meals brought to me, my cups of tea made for me and the only time I left my room was to go to the bathroom. I cannot remember the last time I got to have a real rest. It was rest that I desperately needed. Even having a shower took all the energy I could possibly muster.
I know what it means to be tired!! I have been an air hostess for 15 years so god knows how many nights sleep I've actually missed - I really dread to think! Now I have 2 kids a business a house and I'm still flying so yeah still fucking knackered most of the time. Waking up tired and already thinking about bed that evening is a common occurrence for many of us I'm sure.
This, though was a whole new level of fatigue. I am so grateful for Simon who sent me to isolate in my room for 10 days and that was that. It was really difficult not being able to see the boys or hug them but as the isolation drew to a close they would mask up and come into my bedroom to say hi. I think Simon secretly enjoyed sleeping in the spare room and not next to the human radiator - me!!!
Having never experienced any respiratory problems, the tight chest and not being able to catch my breath was fucking scary. I couldn't talk for long periods of time as it took it right out of me and left me breathless. I still get breathless really easily and can not do too much to exert myself otherwise I am back laying on the sofa.
However I have recovered and am extremely grateful that I got off lightly and I thank Simon for being a total legend - even if he does like to remind me that he looked after everything for 10 days - yes babe I had fucking covid is usually my answer!!
Despite having covid I have had a pretty awesome start to 2021 apart from the cunt that is homeschooling!! I have been filling in my planner and actually getting stuff done. Going into lockdown and having the kids at home means that Nina and I cannot work together which is shite. We really do feed off each others energy. When one is feeling shit the other lifts them up, it really is a beautiful partnership and I am really missing our time together. We finally got our arses in gear at the end of last year and planned until April - well that went out the bastard window didn't it?!?
We are adapting our plans and putting new plans in place alongside the old ones. I have to say I am feeling really upbeat and positive despite all that is going on around me and it is a wonderful feeling. I show up, I am implementing new habits and getting rid of old negative habits. Still haven't quite managed to do any proper exercise yet but its coming - I hope!! I just feel like a shift has happened for me this year and I am in more control of my thoughts than ever before.
I have been in that dark negative headspace and I am all too aware of how easy it is to slide into the rabbit hole of negativity, self hate and loathing of the world. It may sound dramatic but its really not, it is all too real for too many people. Negativity breeds negativity. The more you think in a negative way the more negative things happen which spurs you on to more negative thoughts. It is bloody bollocks and sometimes I actually enjoyed revelling in the negativity. The fake fights I would make up in my mind, the confrontations the negative scenarios. It is not easy to get away from and if you don't have anything positive in your life or anything happening in your life it can be even harder.
I even went through a spate of this last year that lasted a few months and I am not fucking willing to go back to the shitty place. I mean I am guessing lockdown had a lot to do with it, especially as I was drinking more alcohol than ever before!!
I finally feel like I really have a tight grip on my mental health and my thought patterns and I am strong enough to keep on the path of light. I feel light and happy. I feel like I am actually proud of the person I am and growing into. I realise how far our business has come and that is awesome. We did that. Little old us are building a brand that people recognise, people buy from and then come back and buy more. There is no feeling like it and I guess it is accomplishment. I like it, I really like it which makes me work harder and smarter. I want to keep the momentum because the thought of slipping back into old thought patters is wank.
Someone I look up to shared this quote 'as you think so you shall be'. That is some powerful stuff right there. If anything I hope this little blog post inspires you to get your thoughts in order because we are our thoughts. If I can do it anyone can. Turn off the news, unfollow people who bring you down and surround yourself with positive ideas and people. If someone brings you down, fuck em off. Friends are meant to cheer us on and want us to succeed, if they want you to fail they are nasty miserable bastards who do not deserve your time or energy. You deserve better than that, you deserve the best. Position yourself in a way to receive. Lets just love love and spread that shit everywhere.
My inbox is always open beauts.