Another week in lockdown! I can't tell if it is getting easier or harder. I would certainly say I'm on an emotional rollercoaster or a corona coaster as it has been dubbed. What I have been enjoying about lock down is just how funny people are. The memes that have been popping up, the hilarious tweets. Please do not think I am trying to downplay the devastation as I'm not. I am trying to look on the bright side as it is the only way I can keep myself sane!
On that note my blog today is about all the things I am looking forward to once lockdown has been lifted. The things that I focus on when my brain goes to that dark place that I must get myself out of.
Firstly, I cannot wait to give my mum a huge cuddle and have her make me dinner! My mum is isolating alone and that in itself fills me with anxiety. However, as usual my mum is a complete boss and has been locking down like a legend. She goes on her walks, chats to friends on the phone and FaceTime. She is such an active woman with a better social life than me most weeks! I was worried how she would cope but I needn't - she's smashing it. Yes it is obviously difficult but on the whole she's doing well. When I go to my mums its like I'm a teenager again. She looks after me and the boys and for a busy mum of 2 its fucking lush to have someone make you tea and bring you cake. I literally sit on her comfy sofa in her beautiful pristine house and do fuck all! Nana's house Nana's rules so I let them all crack on.
I am so excited at the prospect of seeing my girls and all their kids and other halves. We are a really close knit group of friends and have been mates since we were 15, some of us longer. We have our chief organiser who arranges the most amazing meet ups. The kids love each other, there are 13 of them in total, and they love our get togethers as much as the adults do - maybe the adults slightly more as there is usually some sort of alcohol involved. I know my boys have found it tough not seeing them or doing our days out together especially as we had things already planned. I miss the ridiculousness of our nights out. I miss the complete carnage of our nights in. I miss laughing until I wee myself a little. There is nothing quite like being with your best friends. The freedom to just be your authentic self, not having to worry about offending anyone and being able to talk about anything, it makes me feel incredibly lucky to know that I have that in my life.
The same can be said for all my gorgeous groups of friends, I miss you all. I am blessed to have such wonderful people in my life and each and every one has a very special place in my heart. Even more so now that I miss them all so much.
I cannot wait to get back into Nipa Threads head quarters. It has been really tough to not be able to work side by side with Nina. I feel terribly guilty that she is doing it all herself and that I cannot just go round and help! When you work as a team you bounce off each other and ideas come to you whilst having a conversation or eating your lunch. You support one another. It has been hard to not have the security of each other whilst still having to run our business. Also we have a bloody great time! We dance and sing and laugh, sometimes even cry (that's just me). It is our escape from hearing mummy all fucking day! God I miss our office and I even miss Alexa, despite her never actually doing a thing she is told.
So hands up who is fed up of cooking dinner every night??? It is not just the cooking but also the meal planning and deciding what we are going to eat every damn day. IM SO FUCKING BORED OF IT!!!!!!!!! I am desperate to go to a restaurant. Being handed a menu where I get to choose what I want for dinner and not having to give a flying fuck about who doesn't eat what and the "but I don't like that" bullshit. No it is all about me and my tummy! I have been dreaming of tapas where I order ALL the dishes. Or a creamy saag paneer that I don't for the life of me seem to be able to recreate! Crispy duck and pancakes with all the trimmings. Some pub grub with a glass of wine that costs more than a bottle from Aldi! At this point I wouldn't even moan about the cost, I just want someone to bring it to me and then tidy up afterwards. I love cooking but by god am I fucking over it?
I love a mooch around. It is not something that I get to do very often but I really enjoy it. Having a wander around the shops. Stopping for a cheeky skinny latte and a read of my magazine. Being a nosey bitch and people watching. Noticing all the beauty the world has to offer. Actually trying on clothes before I buy them. Getting pissed off because every shop I go into I'm a different size. Haha it would be amazing to be getting pissed off in a changing room right now. Getting myself some new bits rather than putting on the same old shite I've been wearing for the last however many weeks. Get me to Primarni as soon as lock down is lifted!!!!
Being able to go for a non socially distanced walk would be pretty darn awesome right now. I find it incredibly odd how offended people get when you are trying to keep your distance. Babe I'm not moving out of the way because I could smell you before I saw you, I am getting out of the way because we still have a deadly virus floating about. Also I'm finding it increasingly hard to resist the urge to shout "your fucking welcome bellend" when I do move out of the way to let people past and they just glare at me like I've taken a shit in the street! I always say thank you when people go around me and the boys or make way for us to pass. It's just common courtesy right? Well that's fucked off out the window along with the 'be kind" movement.
Finally, and this is a biggie, I can't wait to be able to travel again. Not just getting on an airplane, which I am used to doing at least twice a month, but getting the train into London. Driving to visit friends in Essex or Norfolk. Having FREEDOM. Just getting in my car and blasting my tunes would be food for my soul right now. I landed from a repatriation flight on the 22nd March and we are now 22nd May! I have not had my feet on the ground for this long in 3 years and I'm feeling it. I am a free spirit and I relish my freedom. I don't have as much now I'm a mummy, but when I go away that time is MINE and I can do what the fuck I want with it. I am definitely craving some me time, that's for sure. And yes I actually miss the school run!!!
As always I am truly grateful to be safe and healthy but I will continue to look forward to all these things and that in turn will help keep my spirits positive and my vibrations high.
Big love out there, stay safe and stay sane x x x