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Adulting Sucks!

Once upon a time, many moons ago I was a teenager. Living for the weekends when I could meet up with my mates and head to the rec to doss about, drink booze and smoke fags.

We would hang around the local off licence to ask some poor bugger to buy us ciggies and alcohol. We even used my friends little brother in his pushchair to help us get served ourselves and taught him to call my friend mummy! Due to having a rather large bust for a 15 year old (where the fuck did they go?) I often had the task of trying to get served and I have to say it often worked - fucking perverts too busy looking at my tits to bother about ID. So use it or loose it people because unfortunately I lost it ha ha.

Oh what a wonderful time in my life, blissfully unaware what awaited me as adulthood approached. And that is the crazy thing, we were all sooooo desperate to be adults thinking that it just consisted of getting a job or going to uni and being able to buy our own booze. Renting a flat with your mates and eating take away every night. Not having to answer to anyone and being able to come and go as we pleased. Not one of us had any idea what adulthood actually entailed and if we did there would be no way that we would want it to happen any quicker than it did.

Fast forward how ever many years and boom full blown adulthood, and for me parenthood. My god you know what being an adult is? It is fucking knackering and monotonous, that's what it is. I did not fucking sign up for this shit!

Working, cleaning, organising, tidying. Ohhhhhh the fucking tidying is NEVER CUNTING ENDING especially when you have kids. I don't really mind the actual cleaning task as I get my music blaring and get right into it but the tidying is soul destroying and ends up making me distracted from the job in hand usually because there is so much of it to do. It is relentless! Cleaning is also not as straightforward as it sounds! There are always added extras. The skirting boards, the kitchen cupboard doors, noticing flipping cobwebs! The radiators looking a little grim, oh look one of the kids has spilt a yogurt down the wall, as you do. Me dropping flicks of red wine on the carpet - fuck it I'm the one cleaning!!!!

Cooking, washing up, loading and unloading the dishwasher. Public service announcement, all you imbeciles who leave your plates on the side rather than loading the dishwasher deserve to get a serious case of cystitis you fucking fucktards. Do you not realise how annoying that is? Cocks! To make matters worse just when you have cleaned the hobs guess what? You have to cook again! No matter how hard I seem to try it always ends up with a mess. Splatters up the splash back, fry light all over the show, water boiling over and rice! Who knew those little grains of hatred would spread themselves so far and wide?!? 

Then there's the washing, drying, folding, putting away and then people have the audacity to wear clothes and the whole cycle starts agin. I have fucked off ironing as quite frankly I hate it and I always do a scrunch test with clothes before I buy. If they crease easily they are not worth my time, however pretty! See Ya! Washing is not so bad in the summer as you can hang it outside however, in the winter it's all over the bastard house just looking untidy and taking over the living room. The bonus is your house does smell nice a fresh. You just have to remember that you have washing in the machine as there is nothing worse than lying down to sleep and suddenly remembering your washing and knowing if you leave it it is going to stink!

What else oh yeah BILLS, TAX, MORE BILLS, MORE TAX. The most soul destroying thing of them all. Working your ass off just to hand over your hard earned cash to some cunt who has absolutely NO INTENTION on spending it on anything that actually helps you or your community. Do not get me started on council tax!!!!!!! It has gone up every year I have lived in my house and the services around me have just got shitter and shitter. Over 2 weeks to get a doctors appointment is pure bollocks! I am lucky enough to own my own house but those poor bastards who are renting, well they are getting shafted in a big way! We used to live in a 2 up 2 down 8 years ago and payed £900 for the pleasure. I mean this place was tiny and the council tax was an absolute rip off so I really feel for the private renters out there.

I now get excited over buying a new hoover or some nice bed sheets. Apparently I have a favourite hob that I use on the cooker. When I have a cardboard box it takes me ages to throw it out, you know just in case I need a cardboard box! I have a draw in my kitchen full of shit but its my go to place for anything I may need and things appear in there like little fairies are working behind the scenes. I mean the batteries are usually dead and the sellotape is out but this shit still goes back in the draw.

Getting lean in 15 has taken on a whole new meaning to me as I find myself meal prepping and organising dinners in terms of ingredients so nothing goes to waste. I can't believe I actually cook and am rather good at it if I do say so myself! That is probably my proudest adulting achievement, apart from my kids I should probably add ha ha.

I make plans to go out that I look forward too but when said plans roll around I look for excuses as to why I can't go because I just want to sit on my arse in my pjs eating a giant bar of dairy milk. I like to go for dinners and then go home, fuck the thought of standing in a crowded bar. It's all about house parties and wine nights in your living room. Not a pair of heels in sight and comfy clothes all the way. My feet are so wide from spending so. much time in trainers that i'm not sure I could fit them into a pair of stilettos these days.

I am so so glad that I lived my youngest days to the absolute fullest. For now pass me my slippers and a blanket, I'm catching up on Strictly Come dancing!!!

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